Friday, December 16, 2016


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For weeks leading up to Molly's birthday I had this sad feeling and a knot in my stomach. I wasn't sure what was causing it until I realized it was the upcoming birthday, the big 5.

Something about five just feels so surreal and so concrete - no longer a baby at all - a full on kid. All traces of her babydom are gone. She is tall and thin and lanky, no more little rolls here and there (she never had many to begin with!), no more tiny little fingers and toes that struggle for dexterity, no half walk-half wobble. She pronounces her words, some of them very big words, with no sign of struggle. She runs fast, jumps high, chews gum, wears lip gloss, speaks some Spanish, has attitude (lots!), makes her own decisions, solves problems. And on and on. Five.

These last five years have gone by so extremely incredibly fast. We have hard, long days that seem to stretch on forever but the collection of days, weeks, years just flash by. Texts are sent on a regular basis to my best friend sharing pictures of our kids at age 1, 2, 3 with crying emojis. Where did all the time go?

But here we are. A teeny tiny little baby girl turned big loud 5 year old. And she is every bit of amazing.

I had this moment a few days ago where I was watching her play and I couldn't believe that she was mine. That I had created and subsequently nurtured this person into existence. Motherhood is a weird feeling sometimes.

I am trying to slow down, to hold on, to take advantage of this fleeting time where I am still her entire world. Where I can still solve all of her problems. Where I can fully protect her and shield her from the outside. This time where she will still give me kisses in public and loudly declare her love for me. This time where she says things like "You look really beautiful Mama" and "You are the best Mama in the world." This time where I can still pick her up and twirl her around the room ending in fits of laughter on the floor.

In not too many days she will be too big to hold, too big to twirl, too big for public affection. It makes me sad to think about it but its coming, I can feel it. So I am going to treasure this time with my FIVE year old and do my best to live our days as fully as possible.

I love you Molly Jean. My first born. My strong willed child. My fierce one. Happy Five.

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