Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Attempts and Failures

As a perfectionist, one of the hardest things for me to learn and cope with is that not everything is going to turn out as planned. Especially in regards to being a new parent. I have really struggled with some of the things that didn't work out like we had hoped (breastfeeding) and been able to embrace some of the other things that didn't take hold (a schedule).

I thought I would share some notes on some of the attempts and failures modified successes.

My initial goal was to breastfeed until M is 1 year old but we had to give it up at around 6 weeks. This was the hardest attempt and failure for me to swallow. {You can read about my full experience here.} And I still have moments of guilt and sadness about it to this day.  But I have also learned to understand that Molly is a healthy, thriving baby who is meeting all of her milestones and is happy. That is the ultimate goal.


Cloth Diapering
I had big grandiose ideas about all the money we were going to save using cloth diapers and how great it was going to be. ha! We have had issues since day 1. First Molly was super tiny (and still is) and they just didn't fit great and looked ridiculous. So we stuck with disposables and told ourselves once she grew out of newborn diapers we would switch to cloth. Well we are in size 2 and still using disposables. I just haven't been able to find my stride with this one. I use the cloth from time to time but can't get the hang of it. And they still look ridiculous on her tiny frame. 

I am not completely abandoning this one, she will be in diapers for another year at least so we will revisit this. And hopefully turn this current failure into a modified success.

Glass Bottles
We wanted to use glass bottles from Lifefactory to reduce cleaning, waste and a whole slew of bottle accessories. During the breastfeeding struggle we were told to use specific bottles that were as close to the breast as possible so we had to purchase those. They were also specific to colic since Molly was very colicky. They are Playtex Drop-Ins and we are still using them because Molly likes them the best. I hate that we have to buy drop-ins and it creates a lot of waste (we do recycle them) but we have to go with what our daughter likes at this point.

I did use one of the glass bottles while we were out and about the other day and she liked it well enough. But I think we will be transitioning out of bottles and to sippy cups for all feedings soon so these will be a waste. For the next one!

I am an athlete. I have always been into physical activity in its various forms (running, gym, cycling, tennis, Pilates, frisbee etc. etc.) and I thought after Molly was born I would be able to resume these activities no problem. Ha!

I have yet to make it to the gym. I have not been on my road bike or mountain bike since she was born. I can count the times I have gone running on one hand. And my tennis racket is collecting dust in the garage.

Right now, between work and spending time with Molly and my husband when he gets home I just haven't found the right balance. But I am not giving up on this one.


A Schedule
While reading all of my baby books prior to M's birth I knew that we would be getting on some sort of schedule fairly early on. I am a schedule person. I need my routine and I need it to be consistent. Some of my Mom friends had successfully got their babies on a very regimented schedule and life was peachy.

Well Molly is a different baby. She had colic, she is "high needs" and she moves to her own beat. All things that add up to no schedule, complete chaos!

Recently, we have found our stride and a schedule is beginning to form. Thank god! But dealing with the lack of one has been hard for me.

I had to tell myself that Molly knows what she needs and for these few months I have to go with that.

Sleeping through the Night
This one is rough! M was a great night sleeper from the first night we brought her home. She knew her days from nights right away. She would sleep, by definition, through the night with no problem. She even started hitting the coveted 12 hours straight. And then BAM -- out of nowhere it stopped. And we had been spoiled so adjusting to her new night wakings has been tough. And frustrating. And a failure!

Now that she is 7.5 months old, and our pediatrician has let us know she needs to get rid of her night feeding(s), we are about to embark on some serious sleep training. Hoping that turns into a modified success and we start getting some good uninterrupted sleep again.


As you can see, things have not always gone as planned. We have made many many adjustments. But that is part of being a parent. You have to learn to go with the flow, even if its against every natural instinct you have. Being a parent for the first time is HARD. And learning that every baby and situation is different takes time.

But the most important thing is a happy healthy baby. And we are so lucky and blessed to have just that.


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