Wednesday, December 7, 2011

this is hard

When you are pregnant and day dreaming about your baby-to-be you conveniently jump ahead to 6 months of age, not thinking about those first few months and what they will really be like.

You imagine picnics in the park, walks with your new family through the neighborhood, giggles and laughs while you read bed time stories. You don't, even for a second, consider the reality of very little sleep, lots of crying, constant feeding, being stuck at home on the couch in front of the same dull daytime TV shows. BUT...that is the reality of mothering a newborn. And its hard.

As a first time Mom these things didn't register with me. I leaped ahead to post "newborn" phase in all my baby fantasies. And now, its slapping me in the face.

I am doing my best to take it day-by-day but all sorts of challenges I wasn't expecting have hit our new family. I have constant feelings of "I wasn't ready for this" and "I am a failure as a Mom." Because seriously, this is the hardest thing I have ever a longshot.

In between all those frustrations and hardships there are wonderful moments, and its those moments you must hold onto as long as you possibly can and let yourself continue to day dream about the walks and the picnics because eventually those days will come.

And the love you have, you just let it wash over you.


  1. When I was just starting out, I needed all the encouragement that I could get. So, you're doing a great job, no matter what you think. And, most importantly, you are not alone! The first few weeks are hard for EVERYONE! But you will get through it and the haze known as the newborn stage will pass. (I've posted a few times on my blog about the guilt and pressures of being a new mom...)

    Molly is a cutie!

  2. Thanks Emily! Every little bit of encouragement does help and hearing that this stage will pass also helps!

  3. Hang in there, kiddo. There is absolutely NO WAY to explain to a "mom to be" how hard this time is. You just have to live it. But, as you've heard from me time and time again, and others you've reached out to, this time, known as "what was I thinking/why didn't anyone tell me/can i survive this/am I doing this right? passes before you know it. At the end of this stage, you still have your precious little baby girl, looking up at you with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes and a smile just waiting to appear before you know it. She'll melt your heart day after day and you'll then think, "wow, this is wonderful; I can't imagine my life without her" At least that's how it was for me, and still is. You still melt my heart and I can't imagine my life without you....or Molly. I love you....Mom

  4. Oh gosh. I love you, Hallie. You're doing great.

    (Phone date. Soon.)

  5. Thinking of you Hallie. I'm sure you're a great mom! (Look at the wonderful example you had!) Molly looks perfect!

  6. I love your honesty!! I think so many people are too proud to admit that it's not all rainbows and lollipops. My brother is about to have twins any day now, so I'm sure I'll be hearing a lot about the darker side of being a new partne. Ha. But of course I'll also get to see the beauty firsthand too.

  7. Hallie. You have got to invest in a good DVD box set. Get the most edgy, violent, racy... whatever show (The Wire or Rescue Me or NipTuck) or something like that. Then you ALWAYS have something to watch that you actually look forward to, even if it's in just 15 minute chunks. And Molly won't remember all the violence and sex. Probably just the theme song that she hears at least three to four times a day. I am not joking. It made my maternity leave chained-to-the-couch sleepless funk actually kind of fun. Plus, you can't get away with watching that stuff when they are older, so take advantage now! Hang in there!!!

  8. aw hallie! I'm sure you're doing a great job! And you're daughter will be awesome just like you someday! And if you're looking for something to get hooked on - Friday Night Lights on instant streaming on Netflix! You'll LOVE it!

  9. Sending you love and support. I love Shari's comment. I can only imagine what my mom would do if I were in your shoes...I bet Shari wants to drive there every weekend to help her girls and just soak up every minute with the two of you. <3 And I would certainly be calling my Mommy at a time like this.

    This weekend, we'll (the guys and I) get to hold her for a while and you'll get to spend some time off of the couch, I hope.